Ten tips for women to really enjoy sex

1. Forget sexual politics. Sex is a grown-up form of play and not a power struggle. The balance of power between the man and woman should not be regarded as a problem but as something to be explored and played with. A sexual relationship becomes most satisfying when both feel free to be themselves and act out their personal erotic scripts without being constrained by political correctness.

2. Enjoy masturbation. Take responsibility for learning about the pleasureable sensations of your body. Until you discover this for yourself you will be unable to tell a partner what you like. Masturbation should become a normal part of sex with your partner. It is natural for a woman to touch herself when her partner does not give her the stimuation she needs.

3. Relax and loosen up. Everyone has to find their own way of learning how to relax. Try to overcome any feelings of guilt, shame or embarrassment. These are normal but some people cope with them by keeping a tight rein over any sexual feelings. You are more likely to enjoy yourself if you loosen up, become more open-minded and don't take yourself too seriously. The key to female arousal is deep relaxation and lack of anxiety.

4. Communication is important. I've always thought that discussion about sex with your partner is a bit of a paradox. When behaviour that should be natural and intuitive becomes the focus of discussion we all struggle. To some extent it is appropriate to feel driven to do certain things without asking permission but, if there is no communication or acknowledgement of a sexual encounter, you can both feel used. If he's good at giving pleasure it makes sense to tell him you what you really enjoyed. Communication is generally a good idea if you want to make sex more enjoyable and try different things.

5. Be generous. Keep in mind the reciprocal nature of good sex. It is not selfish to focus on your own pleasure because most men seem to like seeing a woman who is sexually aroused and even feel a sense of achievement. However, it is also important to focus on giving pleasure and this can be equally satisfying, especially if it brings you closer together.

6. Make sure you are fully aroused before penetration. If the man tries to enters the woman too soon her tightness could be a problem for both of them. Most women take longer to get aroused than men and some worry that they take too long to reach the stage where they are ready for penetration. Foreplay must include stimulation of the clitoris and a lubricant or massage oil adds to the fun. As excitement builds up the vagina expands like a balloon, the clitoris swells, and the outer lips of the vagina flatten and part in order to receive the penis. At this stage some women have the the sensation of wanting to be filled up. Try experimenting with different positions if you find the missionary position does not work for you.

7. Get a real orgasm. Orgasm is an integral part of the sexual experience. We all find our own ways of achieving orgasm. Make sure you discover yours. At the first stage of arousal your breathing becomes deeper and you may sigh or groan. Growing excitement eventually finds release and this is usually accompanied by a sex flush on the face and chest and by loud noises or screaming. At first this might seem alarming. However, it is perfectly natural and most men like it as it shows him that the woman is really enjoying herself. The accepted wisdom is that women are less likely to achieve orgasm during intercourse than in other ways - such as during masturbation or oral sex.

8. Think of sex as unlocking your repressed desires. The sexual encounter creates intimacy in which feelings of trust develop so that a couple can gradually reveal their hidden feelings and desires. The aim should be to authentically express and satisfy your personal psychology.

9. Expect more enjoyment from sex as you get older. Many women find sex gets better as they get older because they feel more confident and at ease with their sexuality. If you are interested in becoming more authentic, going deeper and exploring your fantasies you will definitely find that sex improves with age and experience.

10. Make a positive effort to act in a more sexual way generally. With practice this will become second nature. We live in such a bewildering time that it is difficult for men to know the appropriate etiquette for indicating sexual interest. Give out signals to indicate your interest in sex to leave men in no doubt that you are eager.